Back of the class: attending the Access Ministries Rally (part 2)

For more thorough reporting on this event, go to the FIRIS website where you can also listen to the speeches. (By the by, I went completely independently of FIRIS – I didn’t tell anyone I was going and nobody asked me to…I just fancied a day out.)

This is all relatively new to me so let me share a couple of the expectations I had about the rally and how they compared to the reality.

I expected crowds

I don’t have the exact figures and haven’t had a reply from Access as to how many registered (there were one or two who didn’t register, I’m sure, but I don’t think we count…) but there were a lot of empty seats. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t like the turn-out for the anti-swearing laws protest (15 protesters) – they were into the low hundreds – but it also didn’t look like the overwhelming support for SRI that Access Ministries claim they have. Moreover, from Victoria’s 5+million population, the turn-out for a day to celebrate the so-called great work done by these evangelists would have been as bad as the anti-swearing laws protest were it not for the actual volunteers turning up…plus Access staff…plus the ABC…and a few journos…and a few squirrels.

I expected parents my age

There were some young families – kudos to the kids for sitting through it so quietly; they’re obviously used to sitting in church but there was far less to look at in that room in the town hall – I used to drift off during services when I was a child, distracted by the ornate paintings (ex-Catholic, you see). But the clear majority would have been parents to grown-up children, or grandparents. Ageism is as ugly as all the other isms but what struck me is that it isn’t the parents of children going through this CRE programme now who ardently support Access – it’s the CRE volunteers, the retired teachers, the baby-boomer church-goers, and of course they support it. But shouldn’t my generation be taking more of an active interest?

It was an eye-opener when the speaker asked all the CRE volunteers to stand up for a round of applause – a large percentage of the room got to their feet. This rally was for their benefit. In a nutshell: Hale was there to add a bit of religious glamour, Paddison was there with her wild assurances and plans to take over the world, and motivational speaker McInnes-Smith was there to tell the volunteers to use more props.

The speakers

“The Arrow”

Bishop Hale comes across a smooth operator. No wonder, really, as he’s Chair of the Arrow board whose name is derived from Isaiah 49:2 where it reads, “He (God) shall make me as a polished arrow”. One thing I recall him saying is that he supports the idea that children who opt out of SRI need to be provided for (it was a cursory mention but a mention nonetheless). It may well be that he intends to put all the onus for this on individual school principals (ie. to stop the practice of leaving children out in corridors or making the wear headphones during SRI) but as the Chair of the board of Access, who make such a big point of how in need all Victorian children are, surely it would be unChristian of him to go no further than a cursory mention. Leaving children out in the corridor is the very worst outcome, but it would be foolish for Bishop Hale to assume that even the better options available at the moment are good enough. Furthermore, saying he supports it and actually supporting it are very different things – until proven otherwise this seems like more hot air.

There was a lot of thanking going on – the volunteers, the chaplains, everyone who works at Access, Evonne, Denise…everyone who has had to put up with the onslaught *clap clap clap* (I didn’t clap but then again I had my hands full with the 8-page newspaper and the donation envelope.) But frankly it wasn’t the insightful, rousing speech I was expecting. Hale glibly repeated the accusations that have characterised the recent campaign against Access – mainly that Access is a proselytising organisation – and acknowledged that it takes a great deal of wisdom and discernment to deliver the message without proselytising. But he was absolutely sure that none of his volunteers were guilty of it because…wait for it…there have been no complaints.

Moving on…

“The Reverend Canon Doctor”

(When Hale welcomed Paddison to the stage, he pointed out how much she likes her full title.) This was the business-end of the rally. Highlights included:

* Evonne thanking her receptionist for bravely putting up with all the foul-mouthed phone calls Access have received. This is not a great look for our side, obviously, and I would never advocate bullying of this kind, but we’re also lacking context and numbers here. This seems to be in line with Access being in complete denial about who is against them – presumably the academics, fellow Christian leaders, teachers and education unionists who don’t like what they do haven’t been calling up effing and blinding.

* A big cheer for the huge amount of donations received in June – over $120,000. (Would that be baby boomer dollars by any chance? And if all the money is pouring in, perhaps Dixon could readjust his calculations and pay our state school teachers a bit more.)

* The announcement of a 5-year plan (I can’t deny that Mao popped into my head at this moment). This plan includes using all their dollars (sorry, your dollars) to build an institute for chaplaincy, as well as branching out into independent schools and abroad so that Access are one day the sole provider of Christian religious education. I know I don’t have to say anything at this point because a lot of Christians will be doing it for me.

Next up was an SRI volunteer of 27 years, who shared some of his favourite moments. He seemed nice. That is all.

Then we met:

“Mrs Motivator”

Lisa McInnes-Smith, an SRI volunteer and motivational speaker, was there for a very clear reason – to pep up the SRI volunteers who feel like they’ve been getting a hard rap recently. She was exactly what one would expect a motivational speaker to be (ie. I wanted to crawl under my chair). For Lisa, it’s all about being “fresh” – she spoke about how hacked off teachers must get with their class full of children and why that means SRI volunteers are such a breath of fresh air, because they’re only there for half an hour every week. She spoke at length about the importance of props (she had two brightly coloured hats) and told a story about throwing a boomerang in a packed basketball stadium, which had the audience in stitches (kind of). And then, Dear Reader, she made us hold hands. I had to stretch a fair way seeing as I’d tried to make an island of myself. All in all, sweet and slick and not at all like David Brent (alas).

As Hale introduced the next guest, I realised we were moving into the serious prayer part of the day and I took my leave.

Walking back to Flinders Station, a few things occurred to me. One was the memory of how comforting going to church can be (bear with me here) – I mean, the singing, the togetherness, the assertions that we are loved and that there’s something really nice to look forward to after we die. It’s tempting. And if that’s how you get through this harsh, crazy life, good for you. But more than ever I feel that Access’ brand of Christianity should not be the default option in state schools, that children should not be divided by religion during normal school hours, and that our neglected opt-out children deserve a whole lot more than they’re currently getting. If our children are in need, let’s give them something they can all benefit from, together.